It's been a while as usual, time flies and now that we have a little toddler at home, she is healthy, smiling, crying, creating her own way of communication... She is growing and in the same time, so is our role as parents. We started as care givers as she was a baby and slowly evolve to a mix of teacher/parent/friend as she became a toddler.
Now she is 21 month old, she is starting to discover life, learning to like and dislike. She is trying to get Mama for herself, casting me aside with some wide swings of her hand. That is quite hurting, but, in the same time, I understand her and when she is playing with me, her smile brings me to heaven.
Lately, questions about parenting have raised up. She is starting to be really alert of the environment she is living in, she knows when we boil water, she knows when we go to a dessert place, she knows when we buy bread... etc...
So limits or boundaries are a necessity: in approach of a forbidden fruit, she would slowly look at us with a smile, then she would just reach for her object of desire and grab it with her tiny hands, the next thing you would hear is a kakakakakaka and the sound of her bare feet running on the floor... You can imagine.
Being a father is far from being easy. I have a busy work, a busy home life and too often, I am short tempered. I would quickly raise the tone of my voice, hopefully, Yukyin is there to remind me that I need to love her, in the other hand, it also means that I have let those waves of anger strike my relationship with both of them.
So when I am totally lost, in the outer space, I am just wondering how You, My Lord, are doing, how do You live with so much people not listening to You, How do You manage to continuously love them, even if they don't know You, even if they don't recognize You.
But when I see her smile, when I hear the sound of her voice, when I see her looking around with her curiosity, I understand how much it please You to see Your children grow. It is so pleasing to look at your own child growing. It feels so good to be by her side as she discover the world. It gives me strength and perseverance to be a better father, to be more than what I am.
Thank You Lord, for sharing that feeling of being a father, thanks for the miracle You gave us. Thanks for Your creation and the Love you put into it.
I know that amongst my reader, there are people who are trying really hard to have a baby, I know people who managed after several years, I know some who are still trying, I might not understand exactly what you are going through and today's post my not be your cup of tea. I deeply pray that God bless you beyond your sweetest expectations.
I'll try to post some more soon.